The Wonderful Adventures of New Hampshire and Her 49 Stupid Siblings
by Linkforever125
Summary: New Hampshire is but one of America's 50 states, or adopted children. Her and Massachusetts are the two most disruptive states in the household, and often cause many fights and tears between the family. Join her on a journey that includes interrupting World Meetings, attending anger managment, and 49 stupid siblings. Note: I like to make fun of everyone, especially the South.


**AN: Re-upload, because why the hell not. **

**Also, this was written in July of 2012, so some political events may be inaccurate.**

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America sighed as he sat at the large table, his head in his hands and his elbows resting on the table. He drummed his fingers on the table and looked around the room with a bored expression on his face. Germany was standing at the head of the table, pointing at a diagram on a projector screen and explaining something stupid about global warming to the group of nations, half of which weren't even paying attention. He looked at the other nations, wondering if they were as bored as he was. England and France were surprisingly quiet, a miracle in itself, Japan was paying attention, Italy was whining about pasta while bothering a very pissed of looking Romano, Greece was sleeping as usual, China was scolding Korea, and a bunch of other nations were doing other things to distract themselves from Germany's lecturing.

As he sat bored out of his mind and wishing he was anywhere but here, he couldn't help but feel like something was about to go seriously wrong, considering they were in New York right now. No, he wasn't being paranoid about another 9/11, although he had to admit he didn't like the fact that they were in a skyscraper; he was worried about his states, because he knew they liked to disrupt the meetings whenever it was held in their homeland. He was just surprised it hadn't happened sooner.

What happened next didn't surprise him in the least, but it scared practically everyone else to death.

A teenager no older than 16 burst into the room, panting and with a frightened look on her face. She had sandy blonde hair and an ahoge similar to America's Nantucket. She stopped in front of the table, waving her hands to get everyone's attention even though she already had it- everyone had been frightened when the doors suddenly burst open. Everyone except for America.

"Stop!" she screamed. Everyone went quiet. "Everybody put your hands up!"

The girl smirked mischievously and reached into her back pockets, then whipped out two water guns and started spraying people. As the nations began to rise from their seats to try to escape, the girl laughed loudly and ran around the room, aiming at anyone in her path.

England stumbled past a few fleeing nations and ended up next to the very collected looking America. He waited for the American to realize what was going on and get up and leave, but no such revelation came. "What the hell are you doing, you bloody git?" he shouted over the noise. America shook his head and stood up, walking through the panicked nations that stopped dead in their tracks to stare at him as he passed by. He reached the girl and crossed his arms, an absolute murderous look on his face that went unnoticed by no one.

"That wasn't funny, Massachusetts."

Everyone blinked and looked at America, then the girl, then back again. Massachusetts? Wasn't that one of America's states?

The girl smiled mischievously and threw her arms around America's waist, hugging him tightly. When America didn't hug her back, she pulled away from him and frowned. "Geez, can't even take a joke anymore, can you Dad?"

Everyone blinked and stared, their jaws hanging. Dad?

America glared at the girl and frowned. "Not when I have actual important work to do."

The girl looked down at her shoes, an embarrassed and guilty look on her face. "I'm sorry." she said, but then an evil smile spread across her lips. "New Hampshire made me do it!"

"WHAT?"

Another girl, seemingly the same age as the first, burst into the room, her face red with anger. Her hair was a caramel brown and she had a pair of broken glasses resting on her nose. She wore a winter coat and jeans, but on her feet was a pair of sandals.

"My fault?" she roared. "How is this my fault? I tried to talk you out of it, not encourage it! Why would I tell anyone to do something as stupid as that?"

The first girl smiled and patted her shoulder, only to have it swatted away. "Hey, not my problem if you can't keep up with my driving!"

"You drive like a maniac, you know that? Maybe it's because you come up and buy my liquor."

"Hey, I'm not the one with a state liquor store right next to the freaking highway! It's a recipe for disaster!"

"Why I oughta-"

"Excuse me, would someone like to explain what the hell is going on?" Germany snapped. The two girls fell silent, glaring at the person who dared interrupt one of their classic arguments. Germany looked to America with an eyebrow raised, waiting for an answer. "America?" he inquired.

America sighed and uncrossed his arms. "These are two of my states. Massachusetts," he pointed to the first girl with the ahoge, "and New Hampshire." and then pointed to the one with glasses. New Hampshire huffed and crossed her arms, turning away, and Massachusetts smiled wide and waved. She patted New Hampshire's head but promptly snatched it back when said state almost slapped her in the face.

"Now now New _Hampster_," she teased, which caused her northern neighbor to growl at the much hated nickname. "There's no need to get your knickers in a twist."

"I hate you," New Hampshire said hotly.

"New Hampshire, that's no way to talk to your sister," America scolded. New Hampshire looked at him incredulously and Massachusetts snickered.

"But Dad!" she whined. "She started it! Why do you always take her side? I'm not the one who came in and completely disrupted the meeting!"

"Actually, you kind of did," America pointed out.

England coughed awkwardly and turned away from the girls, trying to restore some order to the meeting. After all, who knows how much time they've wasted! Even though he was enjoying this immensely, after all, what wasn't there to love about two of America's states arguing, he just wanted the meeting to end already so he could get out of this God forsaken country. "As much fun as this is, I say we get back to the meeting." he suggested.

"I agree," Germany said and resumed his position at the head of the table. He turned back to his presentation and began talking like nothing ever happened. The nations began to reluctantly go back to their seats, but as America sat down in his, he was hugged from behind by Massachusetts.

"Can we stay, Daddy?" she asked with her best puppy dog face.

"No," was the immediate response.

"Oh come on!" she whined. "Why not?"

"You guys disrupt the meeting every time it's here and it ends up being dragged out longer. Then you guys complain why I was gone for so long."

"If anyone should stay, it's me. After all, I never started this." New Hampshire pointed out. America considered it for less than five seconds before saying no and motioning for them to leave the room. Just as New Hampshire and Massachusetts were walking dejectedly towards the door, a girl that couldn't have been older than eight ran in and flung herself onto America's lap, crying her eyes out. She was dressed similarly to Canada, and the other nations could only assume this was Alaska.

"Daddy!" she wailed. "Russia's being mean to me again!"

America sighed and gave a look to Russia who was just entering the room and smiling innocently.

"Sorry I'm late." he said as he sat down in the only empty chair, which was unfortunately next to France. "I got a little... sidetracked."

"Oh for the love of- New Hampshire, can you please take everyone home? Make Alaska some hot chocolate too. Lord knows she needs it after encountering Russia..."

"Why do I have to do everything?" she complained.

"Because Massachusetts only causes more trouble-"

"Hey! I was admitted to the Union before that hard-headed pissah!"

"You can't use that word as a noun! It's an adjective!"

"- Alaska is too young-"

"I can use it any way I like, thank you very much. I don't always have to use it after wicked."

"At least I don't have Mitt Romney, Miss 47th in rank for creating jobs!"

"-and I was going to say that you were the most mature, but now I'm not so sure." America concluded.

Massachusetts gasped and her eyes flared with rage. "You take that back! I bet you were hit by the recession just as hard!"

"Maybe so, but at least I don't have riots in my capital. Does Occupy Boston ring a bell?"

"God damn you..." Massachusetts growled before lunging towards her northern neighbor. New Hampshire dodged the attack with ease and stuck her hand out, jabbing Massachusetts in the gut. She let out a howl of pain and fell to one knee, trying to regain her breath since it was just knocked out of her. New Hampshire was about to go in for a fatal blow when America jumped between the two, struggling to hold New Hampshire back.

_Damn, she's almost as strong as I am. Well of course she is, her people are as hard-headed as the granite underneath their feet..._America thought. "That's enough you two!" he shouted, capturing the attention of any countries that weren't previously paying attention to the quarrel, which was only Germany. "All three of you get out of here right now before I get Texas on your ass!"

"Ugh, I hate Texas," New Hampshire spat. "Fucking Southerners..."

"No kidding," Massachusetts agreed. "I bet he was behind the whole Civil War."

"South Carolina started it, dumbass. Texas was the seventh to secede."

"Don't call me a dumbass, you maple syrup loving, drunk driving, sales tax free idiot!"

"You're actually using no sales tax as an insult? No wonder you have no room to expand your budget! All of your people shop in my state; that's why we're so rich and you're so poor!"

"THAT'S ENOUGH! NEW HAMPSHIRE, MASSACHUSETTS, GET OUT RIGHT NOW! YOU ARE SO GETTING IT WHEN I GET HOME!"

"But Dad-"

"NOW."

Both states glared at the personification of all fifty of them as a whole and Massachusetts crossed her arms as she stomped out, New Hampshire, who was dragging a still crying Alaska, right behind her. They muttered obscenities as they trudged out, glaring at the nations who dared stare at them as they went by. America sat down in his seat with a frustrated sigh and pulled out his cell phone and dialed a number. He waited a few seconds before the person answered and started telling them off, his voice growing louder and louder as he disciplined the person on the other end.

"And if you so much as think of putting glue in my shampoo, Massachusetts, I will personally see to it that you don't get extra money from the government, understand? And tell New Hampshire that if she doesn't want Markey's and Brown's to close, she'll get some common sense and stop being so stubborn. What? What does her having the First Primary have anything to do with this? You know what? Forget it. I'll see you when I get home. Yeah, whatever. Bye." He snapped the phone shut and sighed, rubbing his forehead since he was starting to get a headache. Everyone looked at him in awe and China looked from him to England and France and back.

"They are even worse than England and France, aru." he mused, earning an angry "Hey!" from said nations. America chuckled and straightened the papers that had gone astray during the whole ordeal.

"Yeah, I never knew states were such a handful." England remarked.

"Try living with them," America replied almost sadly. "There's never a moment of peace."

"Yes yes, that's wonderful." Germany said impatiently. "Can we please get back down to business? I'd really like to get home sometime today,"

For once, everyone agreed with Germany, and it wasn't out of fear.

* * *

America wasn't kidding when he said he would let New Hampshire and Massachusetts have it when he got home. As soon as he set one foot through the front door, he wasted no time in telling them off in front of their brothers and sisters. It was embarrassing, really. Hawaii and Alaska, the youngest states, hid behind the couch in the living room, plugging their ears as their father yelled, Texas and the rest of the former Confederate States were quietly snickering in the kitchen, and the other four New England states were sympathetic to the two most dysfunctional states in the household. They knew how loud and long America could lecture, and today he was going full throttle. It was too bad New Hampshire and Massachusetts couldn't get along; the house would be much quieter and more peaceful if they did.

After America's three hour session of scolding, both states were sent to their room. Luckily for New Hampshire, Massachusetts' room was on the second floor and hers was on the fourth at the very end of the hallway. She sighed and collapsed onto her Queen sized bed when she entered, gazing up at the bland white ceiling. Massachusetts always had to go and ruin everything; why could she ever leave her alone? She sat up and stared at her blue walls, already becoming bored. She told Mass it was a stupid idea to do what she did, but she went ahead and did it anyway, and now she was stuck in this mess. Her dad probably didn't even trust her anymore, which made her feel worse. Sighing, New Hampshire paced around her bedroom, trying to think of ways to get on America's good side again.

A little while later, a soft knock came from her door. She paused in mid pace and turned to face it, her brows furrowing in confusion.

"Who is it?" she asked.

"It's me, Wisconsin. I brought some mac n' cheese for you!"

New Hampshire went and opened the door, revealing a widely grinning Wisconsin with a steaming bowl of mac n' cheese in her hands. She bounded into the room and jumped on New Hampshire's bed, her short brown hair falling perfectly around her face. She handed the bowl to her sister and watched as she took a few bites, her blue eyes twinkling.

"Why didn't you come down to dinner? Dad was worried you were upset with him. Heck, even Mass was there."

"I never heard the call for dinner. I guess I was just thinking so much I didn't hear it."

"Thinking about what?" Wisconsin asked in that high pitched, innocent little voice of hers. She scooted closer to New Hampshire and leaned forward, waiting for an answer.

"I don't know. About a way to stay on Dad's good side, I guess. He seemed pretty upset with me earlier. I think that's the longest he's lectured any of us."

"I know. Three hours? What did you guys do to make him so mad?"

"Believe me when I say Massachusetts started it,"

"It's practically a given!" Wisconsin said with a slight giggle.

"Yeah well, we started arguing and then it just escalated from there. Turned into an all out brawl, well almost, right in front of the other nations at the meeting."

Wisconsin blinked. "Wow, must've been rough. She hit you anywhere?"

"Nah, I'm good. Did a good number to her stomach, though. Knocked the breath right outta her!"

"Oh, well, good for you... I guess." Wisconsin got up and headed to the door, pausing to look back at her before leaving. "Dad said he wanted to talk to you after you ate, " she said, then walked down the hallway and entered her own room, the faint sound of her closing her door reaching New Hampshire's ears. She sighed and quickly finished the rest of her mac n' cheese, then headed downstairs to the kitchen to wash out her bowl. When she was finished, she searched all around the house for America and finally found him in his office sitting at his desk and playing patiently with a pen.

"Hey, New Hampshire, come on in!" he said cheerfully. New Hampshire entered reluctantly, knowing this probably wasn't going to end well. She pulled up a wheeled chair and sat down, twisting left and right in it nervously.

"Look, Dad, I'm sorry about what happened at the meeting. I didn't mean to-" she started, but America silenced her by raising his hand.

"I get it bro, believe me, I fight with other countries all the time! The only issue I had was that you did it in front of the other countries. If you're gonna fight, at least wait until we're home, 'kay?"

New Hampshire's mouth hung open incredulously. "Seriously?" she asked. "No offense, but what kind of parenting is that?"

America laughed. "Who ever said I was a good parent? But please, try to get along with Massachusetts."

"One thing; where you for real about closing Markey's and Brown's?" she asked nervously. If her two all time favorite seafood restaurants were closed, she wouldn't know what to do! She glanced at him warily and sat forward in her seat anxiously.

America laughed again and New Hampshire immediately felt relieved. "Of course not!" he exclaimed. "I just need a way to keep you guys in line!"

"But what if Mass seriously puts glue in your shampoo?"

"..." America paused, considering the possibility of the Bay State actually putting glue in his shampoo. He seemed deep in thought for a moment before jumping out of his chair and bursting through his office doors. He ran down the hallways and throughout rooms in the house screaming "MASSACHUSETTS! GET OUT OF MY BATHROOM!" Unsurprisingly, Massachusetts' laughter rang throughout the house as she was chased around by America with a bottle of glue in one of her hands and America's expensive shampoo in the other. New Hampshire sighed but smiled nonetheless as Massachusetts and America ran past the office, Mass popping her head in for a split second.

"I told you I would do it eventually!"

Life in America's house; it never got old.

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**AN: So...yeah. That happened.**


End file.
